The cost of insight into a system designed for willful ignorance.

I rarely go to the office. I try to avoid it when I can.

This doesn't surprise people who know I'm an introvert—shouldn't I prefer the isolation? But they misunderstand what my introversion actually means. I don't avoid people; I avoid performance. I don't shun collaboration; I crave the real thing.

When I work with someone who actually wants to solve a problem together, who sees the system we're trying to fix rather than just their piece of it, something clicks. The energy flows both ways. Ideas build on each other. We create something neither of us could have built alone.

That's what I'm looking for. That's what I thought work could be.

But this place isn't what it claims to be.

The office space is eerie in its emptiness—not peaceful, but vacant in a way that drains you.

Of energy.

Of motivation.

Of passion.

Everything feels clinical. Sanitized.

They like to say it's 'like a family here.' If by family they mean ritualized detachment and unspoken hierarchies, then yes—so is a graveyard.

The conversations are friendly, professional, and practiced.

But connection? Absent.

I'm here. They're over there. Smiling from behind glass walls, hiding behind phrases like value-addsynergypivot—words that say everything and mean nothing.

What's most revealing is what's never said.

They ask only when they want something. A deliverable. A detail. A weakness. Not to connect—but to extract, or worse, to arm themselves.

Their friendliness is a veneer. A practiced performance of kind words in warm tones. Plastered smiles pass me in the corridor, but no one really sees me. Collaboration is spoken of, but never practiced. Camaraderie is listed in the handbook, but never lived.

There are cliques, yes—but they orbit in distant galaxies.

They keep me for what I can see—the patterns, the problems, the real reasons things break down. But the very insight that makes me valuable also makes me dangerous. They use what I know while resenting that I know it.

Useful enough to keep. Dangerous enough to fear. I see what they'd rather I didn't, but they tolerate it as long as I deliver value. So I wear indifference like armor—pretending not to notice their palace intrigue, knowing that showing I see too much would end my usefulness here. And my livelihood.

To someone like me, stuck in the in-between—too useful to discard, too inconvenient to include—the message is clear: You are here to serve a function, not to belong.

To be invisible is to be ignored. To be ignored is to be neglected. To be neglected is to be dehumanized.

Who would choose this place freely, without the need for money or survival?

Who would follow such leaders, these architects of alienation?

This is not a workplace. It is a system. A machine. A theater of productivity masquerading as culture.

No empathy.

No reality.

No soul.

Just the cold whisper: 'What have you done for the company today?'

My workplace isn't unique. It's a perfect replica of something much larger—a culture that has turned human connection itself into a product to be marketed and consumed.

We live in a world that commodifies everything and everyone in it, where we lose our individuality, self-esteem, purpose, and sense of meaning. Even our reason to live. We become human sacrifices to endless greed and the pursuit of unending financial growth.

We are separated from what is real so that we can be exploited. Enslaved by our ignorance and need to survive. We are surrounded by media that endlessly promotes false confidence, unearned praise, emotional immaturity, and predatory attention-seeking behavior disguised as human connection.

I see corporations accumulate and waste far more resources than governments ever could. I watch them spend more in a month on pointless consulting projects than what is spent on salaries. Millions poured into enterprise software that sits unused. 'Strategic partnerships' that are just corrupt, old boys' networks redistributing wealth to themselves. All the while, their executives and boards of directors line their pockets with the gains achieved at the world's expense.

This isn't just corporate dysfunction; it's the blueprint for our entire culture and, perhaps, our entire civilization. We are all trapped in a self-perpetuating system of false promises, memories shorter than news cycles, and an existence of engineered isolation from what is real and meaningful. From one another.

At its core is a decades-old gutting of what used to hold us together. A culture of celebrated ignorance and the loss of critical thinking across societies. Where thinking clearly makes you the problem.

I'm not sure how long I can continue doing this. Day by day, the armor cuts deeper into my already frostbitten skin. The air around me grows colder. The burden of knowledge weighs heavier.

My sense of complicity in a system of abuse and exploitation is more and more unbearable. There is real pain in isolation. Like a bullet wound.

I must find a way to inspire and empower people rather than becoming an instrument of our mutual destruction.

But for now, I remain trapped in this frozen hell.

Maybe this is what it means to dance with the devil—not in fire, but in frost. A hell not made of flames, but of ice. Where the heat is a myth, and the smiles are smoke.

There are windows, but no light. There are smiles, but no warmth. There are people, but no humanity.

The marketing tells a story of connection.

The experience tells a story of erasure.

The archaeology tells a story of extinction.

— Dean Bowman


Essays by Dean Bowman – words from depth and reflections from the In-Between
Read literary essays by Dean Bowman that navigate silence, identity, and complexity in modern life. Blending personal reflection with philosophical insight, each essay offers space for stillness and thought.